


Let me have it

by Tavell_kun



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: F/F, Hostage Situations, M/M, Suicide, Violence, suicidal shinji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 23:22:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11861775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tavell_kun/pseuds/Tavell_kun
Summary: When your out of hope, all you ghave left are those who care about you. But that's a problem of it own."show me one last act of kindsness, Kaworu; End it!"





	Let me have it

**Author's Note:**

> this was darker than I wanted it too be.

_Let me have it_

With a knife in my hand and Asuka’s throught wrapped in my forearm, piratically straggling her, I knew there was no way anyone could deny me what I wanted. From the way Mari was looking at me, She probably wanted to give it to me no matter what. I know I deserve it. I’m putting the person she loves through this kind trauma for my own selfish needs, but I'm out of patience. I’ve run out of hope for the future; and the only peace I can find now is in the hands of my commanding captain holding a gun at me and the albino boy standing close behind her.

“Shinji, what the fuck is all this for?!” Misato yells in confusion and disbalief.

“Non of you would get it, I’m doing this to help everyone” I said, sounding more ashamed of myself than I meant too.

“What does that even mean, if you want to help us than why are you holding a knife at Asuka? Why are you _threatning_  us?!”Misato say, stepping forward.

This is probably my only chance, and I can’t let it get away; Even if I have to go against Misato. So I keep going.

“Stay back, Misato!” I screamed, pushing the blade slightly into Asuka’s neck. I can feel her breathing under my forearm. I can practically hear Mari’s heart _pounding_.

Misato does just as I say, but I can tell she’s getting frustrated; I need to end this soon or this might not work.

“Shinji, I know you have your reasons for this, Just let me know and I’ll help you, but you can’t attack people.” Kaworu finally chimes in, sounding unphased by the situation.

“ _Reasons_? What could be good enough reason to hold a co-pilot hostage. Not only are you Putting Asuka in danger, but your putting humanity at a disadvantage against the angels and for survival, and that’s something I won’t let anyone get away with; not even you Shinji; Now Let asuka go and turn yourself in!” Misato utters, making sure I know she’s serious. And I do; I can tell when she tightens her grip on her pistol and takes her aim.

“I’ll let Asuka go if Kaworu is the one holding the gun.” I huffed, hardly able to breath from the adrenaline pumping through me.

“What!? what kind of game are-”

“Ok” Kaworu cuts off Misato.

“No! This is serious and i’m not gonna let this situation go on any further by letting this gun out of my hands, especially by putting it into little boy’s!” Misato barked.”

“Misato, you shouldn't’t risk having two pilots killed.” Kaworu sighed, holding his hand to her and gesturing for the gun.”I doubt Shinji has the heart to really kill another.”

“Have you lost it too!?” Mari spits at Kaworu.

“If we have a chance to end this with no blood shed, shouldn't’t we go for it. This is Shinji after all, I don’t think Shinji could ever be a threat to mankind or the people he cares about.” Kaworu said, looking at me when he said the last part.

 _He knows i’m bluffing_ ,  Of course he does, Kaworu always knows whats going on in my mind.

“Alright, but I want you keep it aimed at him until Asuka is safe,” Misato says, handing the gun over to the boy while keeping her eye on me.

_I’m so close._

“Alright, let her go and come with us peacefully.” misato hissed.

“Shoot me Kaworu.” I huffed, pulling asuka closer and eliciting a small scream from her.

“Shinji what are you trying to g-”

“ I said, I want Kaworu to shoot and kill me!” I  _shout_ over Misato.

This is it, my endgame was out in the open.

“Shinji, why? Why would you want this?” Kaworu’s hands begins to quiver and Misato starts to reach for the gun.

“Back away, Misato!” I snap, drawing blood from Asuka’s neck with the blade. I can feel  hit my skin.

Misato falls back with a face full of defeat, she knows the situation is fully in my hands now. She has lost to pitiful Shinji-kun.

“ _Shinji_ , I don’t want you to...do...this. I don’t want to hurt you, I lo-” Kaworu is stuttering.

I can tell He’s at a loss of words. I’ve never seen Kaworu come apart like this before, until now he was always so calm and collected. I don’t like seeing him like this.

“I know you don’t want to and I know this is selfish of me, but I need you to do this. I’m scared to do it myself, Kaworu; And I don’t want to willingly die knowing there are people who would morn me. So,I need you all to tell me you hate me so I can die; so I can move on! I need you to stop loving me, Kaworu!

“Why!? Why would you want to die so much!?” Kaworu finally barks back.

“I’m useless as pilot, My family died with my mom, and most of all I hate the way this world works! I can’t do this anymore. Just show me one more bit of kindness and end it, Kaworu.

“Shinji, I can’t. _I_ -”

And with ought warning, a violent from behind me cuts off kaworu. I can feel a small stab of pain in my head before my body goes numb.I loose my grip and Asuka runs out of my reach and into Mari’s. I can tell I hit the ground face up, beause the last thing I see is my father stepping over me, gun in hand, and Rei close behind. I think I can hear Kaworu in the background, but i always thought I would hear cheering when I was about to die.


End file.
